» When Your Confidence Slips Away

Are Those Voices Stealing Your Confidence

Over the years British television has run many public information advertisements. They must have been good because I remember quite a few:

There was the family who arrived home and smelt gas. They ran around like a crack SAS unit, each one knowing exactly what they needed to do to make the house safe. As they stood grinning to one another, having been congratulated on their well drilled action, the voice-over continued: ‘What a pity you had to let it happen in the first place…’.

Then there were the couple who wasted valuable time waving at the drowning man before realizing he was telling them to phone the coastguard.

But the one I remember best was Reginald Mohusband.

Reginald taught me the finer points of parallel parking long before I was old enough to start driving lessons. Even now as I spot a parking space he’s with me: ‘Not too close, far enough forward…’ he advises.

Reginald’s is a helpful voice in my head, he’s always there to remind me how to park properly. The gas commercial voice-over isn’t quite as supportive – ‘could have done better’ was his real message, deflating a family who had dealt with their crisis effectively.

We all carry voices around in our head. They may encourage you, but more often they tend to undermine your confidence and self esteem. Sometimes just as you’re on the brink of starting something new, or overcoming a problem, up they jump and discourage you so strongly that you feel you want to crawl away and hide.

It sounds like your own voice but actually it’s not – why would you want to sabotage your own efforts? The voice is most likely that of someone who had an influence on you in childhood. A parent, older sibling, relative or close family friend, or a teacher.

And the voice thinks it’s helping you: guiding you and keeping you away from harm, like that person tried to do when they were first talking to you. And, just like I did with Reginald Mohusband, you took their words in and stored them for when you needed them. But unlike Reginald, they pop up when they’re not needed – and least welcome.

You can learn to work with the voices so they don’t hold you back, but they’re still there for you when you really can benefit from their support and advice. Learn who’s stealing your confidence.