» Help Your Kids Learn Self Reliance

I want it all, and I want it now!

The mantra of consumerist society.

Clever marketers have persuaded us to believe that we just can’t live without whatever new product they want to promote. Actually they know, and we know if we’re honest, that we can easily survive without that latest gizmo. But they’re skilled at making us believe that, if we don’t rush out to get it, we’ll somehow be inferior, out of step, out of touch.

It’s okay to have a different make or model of cellphone from your friend, so long as you’ve both got one that takes pictures, accesses the internet, holds more music than you could ever listen to and makes a fantastic latte. If you’re still walking about with something the thickness of a candy bar that only lets you make calls and send messages, you’re up there with the dinosaurs – even if the gadget does everything you want of it.

Expectations have been created in our children that there’s an electronic solution to everything, and that this is the best – even the correct – solution. Even toddlers can have their own play versions of laptops, cellphones, music and movie players. Those marketers are smart: hook them into the idea early and you’ve got them for life.

Look round at children in airports waiting for planes. How many of them are in some way hooked in to electronic machines? Teenagers and adults too. Dad gives his son a gizmo to keep him busy so he can check the ballgame results on the web in peace.

It’s not just entertainment. Satellite navigation is also being pushed as a ‘must have’, turning the traveller from a thinking machine into an automaton, responding to commands, even if these don’t seem to make sense (it looks like a dead end but if the satnav says to turn there, it must be right). Cars are becoming more dependent on computers that diagnose faults whose solution is usually to replace a part, rather than repair it.

We’re growing a generation of people who expect their every entertainment need to come from a shiny little box. Or a shiny big box hanging on a wall emitting larger than life pictures. A whole bunch of people who are being discouraged from thinking and acting for themselves, of making their own entertainment. People who don’t know how to do simple repairs, or even maintenance checks on equipment. A generation who believe that home-made bread comes out of a machine sitting on the kitchen counter, an hour or so after all the ingredients have been tossed together.

What sort of legacy is this for our children? For YOUR children?

If they always expect someone or something to provide a solution to their needs, be it entertainment, equipment problems and household repairs, or travel directions, they’ll go through life relying on others.

Do them a big favour and make sure they grow up with their own coping skills and resilience. Limit the amount of time spent on electronic games and computers and make sure your child has a variety of different stimuli that will develop different skills and abilities.

Here are some suggestions to get you started:

Use pen and paper based word and number puzzles to develop writing skills including spelling and grammar, as well as logic and reasoning.

Get them involved in practical tasks around the home to build practical skills and confidence. A cake baked at home gives much more satisfaction than one bought in a shop, even if the shop-bought one looks more attractive.

Teach stewardship. If something goes wrong or breaks, explore repair before replacement. Help your child to understand that we don’t live in a throw-away world.

Make sure they interact with others. Too many electronic games are played solo, or turn by turn, and even when there is more interaction it’s rarely face to face. Help your child build socializing skills, learn to give and take, and to win and lose in real life.

Invest your own time with your child so he can talk to adults as well as people closer to his own age. Discuss current affairs and encourage your child to express and explain his views. The more comfortable he is with talking, forming opinions and debating them, the better prepared he’ll be for the world of work. And he’ll be better able to discuss any personal issues that arise.

Encourage links between the generations. Many adults regret not knowing more about their family history. If there are elderly relatives in your family get them talking about their childhood but make it relevant for your child. Talk about the first television set, a rare trip somewhere, an eccentric or noteworthy ancestor.

Make sure your child reads regularly and not just off a screen. Make available books and magazines on things that interest her, and ask her to read things to you – a recipe while you’re baking, the instructions to set the DVD, anything that will make sure she’s seeing correct spelling and grammar, rather than only being exposed to the language of computers and cellphones.

On a car journey, take a map. Plan your own journey then see how it compares to your satnav one. Follow the satnav directions on your map. Look at the places you’re passing through: are there interesting things to see? Strange names for places? You can bet your satnav voice won’t be giving you a commentary about the country you’re going through.

The younger you can start this the more effective you can be. But for older children who have already become slaves to their electronic toys, only switching them off when there’s something they really must watch on television, the task is both urgent and important if you want them to develop self reliance rather than always looking to someone – or something – else to solve all their problems.