I read a news item in the last few weeks on the sorry plight of British ex-pats living in Spain and Portugal and how difficult they were finding things these days. Brits have been hit hard by the exchange rate fluctuations over the past eighteen months or so, from around 1.40 euros to the pound back in 2007 to almost parity in early 2009.

But I did find it hard to accept the media story at face value. It suggested that ex-pats need a minimum of £1,000 per month for living expenses. Many ex-pats are living mortgage-free in places that have a warmer climate than the UK, which means that annual fuel costs are less. Accepted, we’ve just had the worst winter in many years in these countries, and fuel costs this last few months will have been higher. Offset against this is the ‘free’ hot water that anyone with a solar water system enjoys. It doesn’t need full sun all day to get a tank of hot water, just a few hours or so.

Also offset for many people is the winter fuel allowance paid by the UK government, which is still paid even if you’re sunning yourself on a sandy beach.

So with no mortgage to pay, that £1,000  (around 1,100 euros at current exchange rates) has to pay for utilities, food and entertainment, plus some funds for savings and emergencies.

It all comes down to lifestyle choices.

If you choose to visit cafes every day and eat out at night, the expenses are going to add up quickly. If you’ve chosen to live abroad but want regular trips back to the UK the costs are going to mount.
If you’ve chosen a life style that is similar to a never-ending holiday, you can expect to pay for it. But with a little effort it’s possible to live on a lot less and still enjoy this ex-pat life.

We rent an apartment and have the following regular monthly expenses (for 2 adults):

Choose to spend lots of time eating out and your living expenses will be higher

rent 320 euros
internet 50 euros
utilities (electricity for heating, hot water and cooking) approx 50 euros
food 250 euros
fuel 50 euros
money saved for annual bills (car tax and insurance, other insurance etc.) 150 euros

Total 870 euros.

That still leaves us around 230 euros a month from the notional 1,100 for other expenditure. I can live with that.

When we finally get our own place we’ll save that 320 euros rent monthly. And one day we may even get access to broadband internet, which will bring these costs down even further. We’re starting to grow vegetables which will shave a bit more off those food bills.

I’m not suggesting that everyone should make the same choices that we have. But at the end of the day that’s what it’s about: the choices we make. An economic downturn is an opportunity to review those choices, to think about the habits you’ve gotten into and whether they’re all good ones.

I’m sure it’s it’s as difficult for people who were used to getting 1.40 euros per pound to quickly adjust to this change in their income as it is for anyone else suddenly faced with a significant income drop, for example due to redundancy. But unless they were already living to the limit of their income there should be the potential to make savings. And surely this is a better option than moving back to the UK, which seems to be the automatic reaction of many caught in this situation, according to the media.

The media have a very powerful voice. The problem is that so many people take what is said as truth. So if the media say it can’t be done, it can’t. But in reality it can. All it takes is a willingness to make choices, a little flexibility and ingenuity.

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When my husband cooks a meal I sometimes find it difficult not to interfere.

It’s not that I don’t believe he’s perfectly capable of producing a decent meal. Actually, when he puts his mind to it he’s far more creative than I am so there’s no problem there. And it’s not that I don’t want him to cook. Far from it – I really appreciate having a ‘day off’ every now and again. But we do go about the activity in different ways.

Me: I’m a planner. I think about what I’m going to do, how it will all fit together, what I need to do first, etc. I work out when to put the oven on, when to start different things cooking so that everything will be ready at the same time. I have ways I like to cook things, pans I like to use.

He’s more laid back. He pays no real regard to how long different things take to cook. Sometimes he starts the vegetables off before the meat, which will take longer. A pan is a pan, a plate is a plate. As long as it does the job, it doesn’t matter whether it’s the right size, or serving its normal function (we often eat dessert off dinner plates when he’s in the kitchen).

And usually he sets the timer and goes straight back to the computer while things are cooking, rather than staying around the kitchen to keep an eye on progress. When the timer rings he doesn’t stir and then I’m in a dilemma:

Can you resist the urge to take control?

Do I assume he’s heard it and is finishing up what he’s doing?

Do I tell him it’s gone off in case he didn’t hear it?

Do I quietly get up and check on the meal’s progress myself?

I know I should sit and wait: he’s in charge for this meal and he’ll ask for help if he needs it. But often that’s difficult for me, especially if I think something needs attention. And although the food may take longer to reach the table, it’s usually no less edible than the meals I make.

The thing is, I’ve no way to control what might happen if I do decide to interfere. He could choose to take notice of me or completely ignore me.

When I managed a team of staff there were often discussions about how things were done. New staff tended to get caught up in the belief that there was a right way and a wrong way, and get hung up about doing things the ‘right’ way. But although there were procedures to be followed we were working with human beings (and young people at that) so no 2 situations were likely to be exactly the same. The way one person dealt with their client could easily be different from the way someone else would do it. And this was fine: the desired outcome could often be achieved by more than one method.

I always tried to instill into people the notion that different wasn’t wrong, it was just different. If someone had completed a task competently and successfully I wasn’t about to tell them off for doing it in a different way than I had envisaged. And if they’d used a method different from how I would have done it, I was interested to learn about it and expand my experience.

Sometimes people had a tendency to make things more difficult than they needed to be. Using IT was a prime example. We had some staff who preferred not to use the most straightforward ways of doing things. A simple task would take them much longer, and involve more steps, than it needed to, but even when they understood and agreed with the benefits of the easier method they chose to stick to their preferred way.

This could be frustrating. I couldn’t force people to change their methods even when I – and they – knew they would benefit by doing so. As the saying goes: ‘you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink’.

But it was a good reminder of one of life’s truths:

You have control over one life only: your own. However much you might want to influence, direct, guide, control, dictate to, or persuade other people to your way of thinking or doing things, you can only do this if they let you. And the more you try, the less successful you’re likely to be.

Your way isn’t necessarily the only way, or even the best way. It’s the way you prefer. That doesn’t mean it must be the way other people have to do things. By all means share knowledge and experiences, identify learning points and strategies that might make something more effective. But don’t expect others to do exactly as you tell them just because you think they should.

And those meals?

Well, I’m getting better at sitting on my hands and keeping my mouth shut as the years go by, and he’s never poisoned me yet!

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Don’t assume there are no job opportunities to be had out there. It would be rash to walk out on your job without a new one in the bag right now, but there are still companies that are hiring, either to replace people who have left, to fill new positions created by restructuring of some kind, or because they’re bucking the trend and expanding. So if you’ve been thinking about making a career or job change don’t assume you’ve got to put it on hold until times get better.

Don’t be afraid of the competition. Due to the downturn there are inevitably more people seeking new job opportunities. But don’t let that put you off. There is nothing to say that an employer will choose someone who’s currently job seeking against someone who’s already in employment, or vice versa. It all depends on the individual situation, what exactly the employer is looking for, what priorities there might be in terms of speed of getting someone into place, salary levels etc. And these are things you don’t know, so don’t try to second-guess them. Treat the process of job seeking in exactly the same way you would in a booming economy. If you don’t believe you stand as much chance of landing the position as the next person maybe you shouldn’t be applying for it, as you’re unlikely to sell yourself effectively.

Get your job search right in a downturn

Don’t sell yourself short. When you’ve been out of work for a while there’s a tendency for desperation to set in. Your confidence sags, you start telling yourself you’ll never find another job, signs of desperation start to creep in. Or maybe you find it harder and harder to maintain a positive outlook, to sell yourself effectively because your self-belief has taken a severe knock-back. These aren’t the signals you want to give to a prospective employer. Work hard to maintain a professional approach to your job search. If you’re applying for jobs below your previous salary and experience level your prospective employer may assume you’ll be off just as soon as something better comes along. You will need to be able to convince the employer that you’re a serious applicant who can be a long term asset to the company, not someone looking for a short-term solution to your own problems. Think about how your additional experience could benefit your new employer. Do you have skills, knowledge or contacts that could benefit their business aside from the job you’ve applied for?

Don’t think of yourself as unemployed. There is no stigma attached: a lot of people are out of work at present, many of whom never dreamed it would happen to them. But the word ‘unemployed’  tends to conjure up negative images which is exactly what you DON’T NEED right now. Unless you’ve made a conscious decision never to do anything again with any part of your life, you’re not unemployed. You’re between one paid employment situation and the next.

Don’t just stick to traditional methods of job seeking. Use the power of the internet to research companies, vacancies and networking. Check out this article.

Don’t overlook your opportunities. Employers want committed pro-active employees who will grow their company and grow themselves within it. An employee who does the basics but no more doesn’t stand out. A downturn isn’t the time to just keep your head down and get on with your job. It’s an opportunity to show what additional value you can add – ideally at little or no additional cost at this stage. Take the opportunity to expand your knowledge and develop your skills. Volunteer for that new project. Look for ways to make yourself or your company more effective – streamlining processes, mentoring colleagues, identifying new marketing outlets. Whatever the future holds, the time you invest in these activities won’t be wasted.

Don’t squander your time. If you’re unemployed it’s all too easy to slip into bad habits, to become distracted by unproductive activities. Use the time you’ve unexpectedly been given to enhance your value as an employee. Make sure you’re up to date with your industry. Identify new skills and find a way to acquire them – local colleges may offer free courses for unemployed people, or use the internet to source information. Build up your IT knowledge generally. Use the time to research a potential career change, especially if you find there are few opportunities in your current area. Identify your transferable skills as well as researching career moves that might suit you. Explore self employment options and money making opportunities that can be followed with little financial outlay, such as using eBay to turn unwanted items into cash.

Don’t miss up on the chance to give something to others. If you’re got time on your hands between jobs, why not do some voluntary work? There are many positive benefits. Getting involved with other people will boost your self confidence. Helping others will make you feel good about yourself. You may be able to learn a new skill or gain experience in a different type of work than you’re used to. You may find new career options through the experience. You may make useful contacts. You will have something additional for your resume that says a lot about your attitude.

Don’t get out of practice. Interviews are nerve-wracking at the best of times, but even more so if you haven’t had one for a while. The only way to get comfortable with the process is to do more of it. This doesn’t mean applying for jobs just for the interview practice – that’s not fair to the employer who’s given up their time for you. If you’re between jobs there are likely to be local services you can access that will offer you interview practice. Think about questions you might be asked and what answers you can give (there are many resources, on- and off-line, to help you here). Identify examples of where you’ve applied skills like time management, targets you’ve met, value you’ve added ready to use. Use job and person specifications to pinpoint the key factors of a position and make sure you know how your past experience and knowledge relates to this.

Don’t forget to ask for feedback from your applications. Remember there is only one person needed to fill each position, which means there are more disappointed candidates than successful ones. This is natural, it’s nothing personal. But you do need to make sure you are making the best job you can of presenting yourself, so don’t leave it too long before you pick up the phone and ask for some constructive feedback on your performance. Most companies these days are more than happy to do this for you.

Related Articles:

11 Ways to Fail in Interviews

Completing the Application Form

Getting It Right With Job Applications

Tips For Successful Job Search

What Career Should I Follow? — What Career Will I Enjoy?

Writing Cover Letters

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A sight to make you smile - another beautiful, almost deserted beach

We had a rare day out on Sunday.

It was a spur of the moment thing – well almost. The day before I’d begun to realize it had been weeks since we’d had a real day off. A day totally away from the computers and anything to do with the internet, websites, blogs, products etc. And when that type of thought starts flitting around my head I know it’s time to do something about it. My body and brain are telling me their batteries are running low, a recharge is needed.

Apart from occasional festivals the rural area of Greece where we live doesn’t really lend itself to organized activity. There are some ancient archaeological sites, the odd museum, and a few beaches  offer water sports activities when the season gets started, but on the whole it’s up to you to make your own entertainment, and this suits us fine.

After breakfast we made up a simple picnic, put chairs and table in the car and set off. Our mission: to go places we hadn’t been before.

We took a leisurely drive along the coast, past places we knew and into new territory. We stayed on the coast road and turned down track after track to see where they led. Sometimes this was to a dead end, but more often than not we’d find ourselves in a sleepy little village or on a beach. The beaches we found were delightful: long crescents of golden sand, deserted or with just a token human and natural harbors dotted with small boats. We discovered rocks that looked volcanic – an unexpected delight – and lots of different plants surviving happily in the hot, dry, salty environment.

We wandered, calling each other to come and look at the latest discovery: a twisted and weathered plant stem, a delicate butterfly blended beautifully into the flower it was visiting, a colony of snails packed tightly into the spiked leaves of a plant.

Nature never ceases to amaze and delight

After a while we turned inland, driving through towns and villages bright with color from the many gardens and tubs brimming with flowers. Navigating cross-country on roads without signposts, we were never quite sure where we would end up. At one moment we were up high with views to both coastlines, the next snaking down a valley side in a series of switch-back turns.

A search for an abandoned village led us along windy dirt tracks to a different village than the one we were aiming for. Not so ancient ruins that are rarely visited, but open to anyone with the desire to wander. Climbing among the buildings gives you a real feel for how it must have been to live in these remote places, and goes some way to an understanding of why the inhabitants chose to move closer to ‘civilization’.

Eventually we too found ourselves back on familiar roads and headed home, tired but full of new experiences.

A simple day that took little effort to organize and cost very little.

But the positive outcomes were plentiful:

The delight of new people and places discovered

Appreciation of the unending variety and beauty of nature just sitting there, waiting for anyone willing to stop and take a look

Quality time spent together, sharing our experiences and strengthening our relationship.

Next time you’re feeling jaded or harassed, throw some simple food and drink into a bag, open the door and just go look at the world around you. Whatever the weather, urban or rural, by car or on foot, you can always find something new or rediscover something forgotten in the world around you. Leave your troubles behind and step back to childhood, willing to just open your eyes, look and enjoy.

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When I was a manager in a careers guidance service one of my responsibilities was to ensure my staff were delivering their guidance to acceptable standards. This meant observing several of their 1:1 interviews with young people each year, assessing them against a set of standards. This was often more nerve-wracking for the guidance counselor than it was for the young person.

I remember a particular occasion that taught me a lot about communication.

The young person was a typical 15 yr old, and the discussion was about what he would do once he’d completed his GCSE exams the following summer. The procedure followed was standard: exploring the maturity of his career plans through a series of probing questions.

The skill of the guidance practitioner is to develop a conversation where the young person feels comfortable discussing his ideas, and is also able to handle challenges designed to test how well developed and suitable they are for him, taking into account things like academic ability, attitude to study, local opportunities and so on.

Things started off well, with the usual techniques designed to relax the young person, then discussion moved on to his plans. He stated his ideas briefly, and was met with the question: ‘Why have you decided to do that?’, which he answered. Immediately the practitioner came back with another ‘why?’ question, then another, and another, all of which were answered. But with each question and answer I could see the pupil becoming more withdrawn. Eye contact was lost; he looked increasingly despondent, and after about half a dozen ‘why?’s in a row he dropped his head completely.

After that the discussion was going nowhere, and at my request it was brought to an end, leaving an unpleasant memory for both interviewer and interviewee. Once the young person had left we discussed what had happened, and I was concerned to find the practitioner didn’t realize his questioning had had such a devastating effect. It’s impossible to compare an assessed interview with a non-assessed one, but as far as he was concerned, the technique he used wasn’t any different on this occasion. Maybe he was more nervous with me sitting in the corner, and more forceful in his questioning, but other than that he felt there was no difference.

This led us on to a discussion of the words – or rather word – he had used: WHY?

Please don't ask me THAT question

A tiny little word that had been so devastating when used repeatedly. After the first couple of questions the young person didn’t really give any more useful information in response to the question. In fact he had gone into defensive mode and was trying to protect himself from further attack. He had shut down and withdrawn from the communication process.

How could a single word have caused this?

Think about what happens when someone asks you:

‘Why did you do that?’ or ‘Why do you want it?’.

What response does the question evoke? What feelings are aroused?

Chances are you feel that your answer needs to justify your position. Your actions, values or beliefs are being questioned. You immediately jump onto the defensive.

That simple question ‘Why did you do that?’ can be phrased in so many different ways. Say it out loud, putting the emphasis on each word in turn and you’ll see what I mean.

Each time the question feels negative. In fact it’s more of an interrogation than a simple question. Think about how parents often speak to their children, or how managers speak to their team. ‘Why’ is usually the first question word they use, but it doesn’t always get the information they want.

Have a go yourself:

Ask a series of ‘Why?’ questions and see what happens to the conversation. Ask whoever was on the receiving end of your barrage how it made them feel.

That’s the power of ‘Why?’.

There are alternative ways to phrase a question that don’t use the word ‘why?’ but are still asking this question. These are far more comfortable for the recipient:

What made you choose that option …

How did you decide to …

What was the reason for …

What prompted you to …

Can you explain the reason you …

How did you come to that conclusion …

And there are ways to use ‘why’ that don’t make it so threatening. Start your question with

Can you tell me why …

Can you help me to understand why …

Do you know why …

and you’re less likely to put people straight onto the defensive.

Next time you want to learn more about something without turning it into an interrogation, try using some of these alternatives and see what happens.

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Will your self belief win the fight?

We can learn a lot about self belief from garden weeds:

Your average weed doesn’t know it’s a weed (and it’s just a matter of opinion anyway, in another garden it might be a welcome flower) – it believes it’s a plant with a job to do: get out there and grow. Unfortunately for our weed the gardener has different ideas and isn’t prepared to give it ‘garden room’. The gardener has a range of different techniques to meet the variety of weeds he encounters: douse it in chemicals, cut it off or dig it out; but weeds are a lot smarter than that. They’ve developed ways of surviving almost anything the gardener can throw at them.

Maybe it has a tap root that lies deep below the surface and snaps off before the gardener can dig deep enough. Then once the immediate danger is over, the remaining root gets to work restoring itself.

Or maybe the root grows horizontally in sections that each throws up a shoot capable of becoming a new plant. It willingly gives up individual shoots to preserve the root, letting them snap off easily and making the gardener believe he’s succeeded this time. But each tiny section of root has the capability of regeneration, so even if he succeeds in getting rid of 99% of it – which is highly unlikely – that single tiny piece can start the dynasty off again.

Sometimes the weed hides itself under other plants to get time to set seed. Those seeds can lie dormant for some time, lulling the gardener into the misguided belief that he’s finally won.

Whatever technique the weed applies the gardener is unlikely to succeed without many repeated attempts to rid himself of the unwelcome visitor, if at all. And that weed has no conception that it might not succeed. No-one’s ever told it what might happen when it pushes its shoot above the ground, no-one’s ever suggested it might be better not to try. It has no concept of failure.

Imagine what YOU could do if you had such self belief, if you too had no concept of failure.

Imagine having the resilience to keep bouncing back, whatever obstacles were put in your way.

Imagine having the commitment to stick to your task through thick and thin.

Imagine having the flexibility to change direction and find a different route if your first one became blocked … or your second … third … sixth … tenth….

Imagine having the determination to keep fighting back.

Imagine having such strong self belief that you know you will succeed in the end, however long it takes.

Now get out there and grow!

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You’ve doubtless seen the stickers that say ‘A dog is for life, not just for Christmas’ or something similar. Often it’s a charity asking you to think hard about the long term commitment needed to care for many pets.

I’ve often thought the same phrase could be applied in another context:

Relationships between the generations are important

‘A grandparent is for life, not just for Christmas … or birthdays … or occasional fleeting visits … or the odd phone call when you remember …

Sadly that’s how it sometimes works out with grandparents. The reason could be anything – a disagreement over childcare, unasked-for help that became viewed as interference, expectations that turned into obligations. Whatever the reason there are lots of children who don’t see much of their grandparents.

If your children are in that category take a few minutes to think about what they’re missing. There are many benefits for both grandparents and grandchildren of ongoing contact: the opportunity to learn about different generations; someone other than a parent to confide in who will have their interests at heart; keeping active and alert by contact with lively children – it works both ways. And parents also benefit by closer family relationships across the generations.

Here in Greece there is still a greater sense of family values than in the UK. Grandparents and grandchildren may live in the same home, or very close, and have regular contact. Religious and social occasions bring the wider family together, and knowledge of the family’s history is passed through the generations.

I never knew my grandparents, all 4 died before I was born. I know little about my family history, and there are few people left to ask, none at all on my father’s side. I feel the loss now that I’m older, and regret not asking more questions while elderly relatives and my parents were still alive.

Don’t let your children lose touch with their grandparents. Don’t let yours be the generation that severs the links with the past. Don’t let your difficulties or disagreements deny your children this important relationship. Read more about effective relationships across the generations.

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What’s the difference between a need and a want?

I need clothing. I need items suitable for work, and it’s a good idea to also have items suitable for when I’m not working, so my working clothes will last longer. I need warmer items for cold weather and cooler items for warm weather. I need clothing that will keep me dry in wet weather. I need a range of items, and a few changes of clothing so I don’t have to wash them every day.

But I don’t need all the clothes in my wardrobe. I don’t need so many sweaters, so many t-shirts, so many pairs of shoes. I don’t need several winter coats, or several different swimsuits. I could manage perfectly well on less than half the clothing I have now, so why do I still have them all: I want them.

I need food. I need a variety of food to give me all the protein, carbohydrate, fat, vitamins, minerals etc. that will keep my body healthy.

But I don’t need that expensively packaged cake, or that high priced ready prepared meal. I don’t need that celebrity endorsed range of exotic foods. I want them.

I need shelter. I need a roof over my head with plumbing and cooking facilities, a place to sleep, a place to eat, places to store things, somewhere to relax.

But I don’t need a 4 bedroom detached home with 3 en-suite bathrooms and a luxury fitted kitchen. I don’t need double-sized fitted wardrobes in every bedroom. I don’t need them but I may want them.

The word ‘need’ is often accompanied by the word ‘basic’ because that’s what needs are: they’re the basics, the essentials. And because of this they can often seem commonplace and unattractive. At least that’s what many people in today’s society work hard to make us believe. It’s an accepted rule of selling that people don’t buy what they need, they buy what they want – or more accurately, they buy what a salesperson or advertiser has convinced them they want (and can’t live without).

I don’t need that fancily packaged food, but doesn’t it look nicer … won’t it taste so much nicer than that more simply packaged (and less expensive) product sitting alongside it on the supermarket shelf?

I know I don’t need 4 bedrooms, a luxury kitchen and bathroom, and enough storage space to house a couple of families, but won’t it feel great to have all that space … and I’ll appreciate the extra space when relatives come to stay (how often will that be?).

I don’t need that brand new electronic gizmo that’s only just out of development phase, but  won’t it impress people when I pull out the very latest communication device and instantly send a picture of me sitting on a beach to 27 different people, complete with sounds and smells, and a  weather report provided by a passing satellite?

The fact that people fail to stop when their needs are met, but keep going, spending money they don’t need to – and quite possibly don’t have — in order to meet their wants, is a problem in modern society. Advertisers have done an excellent job of convincing us that our needs can only be met with high value products when this isn’t the case at all. Our needs can easily be met with lower priced products that do an equally good job, but that doesn’t make the big profits. We’ve been brainwashed into believing that our wants are actually our needs. Our wants have become the bottom line and we couldn’t possibly consider anything less.

Economic downturns are a good opportunity to take stock. Many people start to rediscover the difference between needs and wants, and to realize that by concentrating on meeting their needs for a while, they can probably save money.

This doesn’t mean going to extremes and denying yourself anything other than the basics. But it does mean acknowledging to yourself that you’re satisfying a want rather than meeting a need, and being comfortable with this.

It means taking a mental pause before putting that expensive food item in your supermarket trolley and asking yourself whether it’s the best purchase you can make.

It means responding to those ‘must have’ messages with the simple question ‘why must I???’, and if you are happy with the answer, go ahead and buy. But if you can’t give yourself genuine, believable reasons then forget it.

It means walking past the shoe shop and ignoring those subliminal ‘buy me’ messages that have hooked you so easily in the past.

It means putting off buying that latest gizmo until the development has stabilized and the price has come down to something more realistic. After all, you may not get the full benefit of it unless other people are using the same technology as well. And if you’ve picked something that doesn’t catch on you may be left with a useless heap of electronics. And there’ll be something else along in a couple of months that you may wish you’d bought instead.

It means not being so blinded by the marketing hype that you forget to balance it against other factors. That luxury, designer, exclusive, bespoke, executive 4 bedroom (3 en-suite) residence is impressive, but for just the two of you?

But if you do take this opportunity to reflect on your spending patterns make sure the lessons you learn are there for life. The economy will turn again, the outlook will improve. And when it does you still won’t need that expensively packaged and priced designer branded food, or all those shoes.

But will you want them???

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